Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
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