As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
