Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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