Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
