i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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