I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
