My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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