They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
