I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
True strength comes from lack of pants
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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