Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
