My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
