Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
