I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
