I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Watching her eat just hurts me
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
