I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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