i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
