party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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