just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
