I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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