She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
His hands were made for my vagina.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
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