We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
