I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
