Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
