tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
