Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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