her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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