I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
