but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
