ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
