i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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