i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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