so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
