I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
