soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I can't turn off my feet"
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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