I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
