so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
