Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
