I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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