Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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