there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
