And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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