Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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