Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
When are your genitals available?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
