Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
