It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
