So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
