you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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