my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
