You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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