Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
