dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
