you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
