i think my mom watched the whole time
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
