So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
