But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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