i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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