woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
i out mim tonsoeep
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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