The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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