So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
