You can't special order awesome
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
