I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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