ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
