I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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