There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
