do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
