When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize