2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
