i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
