I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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