Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
