Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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